I’m now open to commissions!! Check out the info at outlandidol.deviantart.com!!
Yoooo attention everyone, my crazy talented friend here is taking commissions!! Go check it out!
1/1 fairy tale
"Grandmother, what big ears you have!"
"All the better to hear with, my child."
"Grandmother, what big eyes you have!"
"All the better to see with, my child."
"Grandmother, what big teeth you have got!"
"All the better to eat you up with."
And, saying these words, this wicked wolf fell upon Little Red Riding Hood, and ate her all up. x
"The Queen was a beautiful woman, but proud and haughty, and she could not bear that anyone else should surpass her in beauty. She had a wonderful looking-glass, and when she stood in front of it and looked at herself in it, and said-
"Looking-glass, Looking-glass, on the wall, Who in this land is the fairest of all?"
The looking-glass answered-
"Thou, O Queen, art the fairest of all!"
Then she was satisfied, for she knew that the magic mirror spoke the truth.” x
As I continue to watch NBC’s Dracula, I grow gladder and gladder that Jack, Arthur, and Quincey didn’t make it into this version. By not existing, they have become the only characters who are safe.
actually, this may not be true for long- did anyone else notice that one of the men among the order of the dragon dudes at the party was introduced as Lord Godalming? they could just be borrowing the name, but i am. tentatively concerned.
"Then the animals discussed how they might drive the robbers away, and at last they came upon a plan. The donkey was to stand with his front feet on the window, the dog to jump on the donkey’s back, the cat to climb onto the dog, and finally the rooster would fly up and sit on the cat’s head. When they had done that, at a signal they began to make their music all together. The donkey brayed, the dog barked, the cat meowed and the rooster crowed. Then they crashed through the window into the room, shattering the panes.” x
i binged episodes 2-5 of dracula today; this show is DUMB
renfield is the only character anyone cares about because he’s the only character who a) hasn’t done anything hideously amoral* and/or b) isn’t almost completely generic (jonathan in this is so boring holy shit and i feel bad for lucy but beyond pity there is really no reason for us to like her) (also mina has proven to be reasonably Not Dumb and an okayish person i guess but again, why should we care, i need a better reason than that to be invested, this show is so aggressively mediocre uGHHH)
*why this portrayal of van helsing wHY ???/???? ??
In the Deep South, God is a cotton king,
Trussed up in plantation whites and powdered over smooth
with a little bit of talcum from Momma’s compact.
He’s the Georgia dust that gets on everything, in everything,
Caking the soles of bare feet
sifting through cracks in church pews,
and catching in your lover’s eyelashes.
In the Deep South, the Devil is a beautiful boy
who swears and cheats at billiards on Sunday.
He is the one who reaches up your skirt,
pulls out the prayers your were saving for someday
and lights them on fire with his tongue.
He will sing hymns while feasting on your forfeit heart,
call you blessed while peeling away dignity like stockings,
then drag you out in front of the church to be stoned.
In the Deep South, the Holy Spirit is an old woman
with hands brown and gnarled as the nuts she boils
and a voice soft and dark as the Appalachian sky.
She is the swamp kingdom matriarch children are sent to
when sins need to be wished away like warts,
the presence of whom straightens the spines of wayward souls
and coaxes a “Yes Ma’am” from the devil’s own.
In the Deep South, Jesus is a mixed-race child
with drops of destiny mingled into his blood
and the names of the saints tattooed along his spine.
He has his mother’s bearing, one that wears suffering nobly,
and baleful eyes that speak of the sins of his forefathers.
The word of God flutters from his mouth like butterflies
with bodies baptized in tears and wings dipped in steel.
In the Deep South, angels drink too much.
They sashay and guffaw and forget to return calls.
They tell white lies and agonize over what to wear.
In the Deep South, angels look very much like you and it,
and they cling to each other with dustbowl desperation
and replenish their failing reserves of grace with ritual
in the hopes of remembering what they once were,
what wonders they once were capable of performing.
am the ghost
of your past and mine
man i got stuff to do but sometimes you just wanna muck around in photoshop with pictures of models who remind you of your OCs, you feel me
Back in high school, I was looking up Victorian etiquette for a project, and I stumbled upon this game on a Canadian museum website. You pick a gender and then go through little scenarios where you’re quizzed on the proper Victorian way to act.
It is the greatest thing.
And usually it’s more fun to pick the incorrect answer, because sometimes NINJAS AND ALIENS pop up. I’m not even kidding.
YOU DIDN’T MENTION THE VOICES, OH LORD. IT’S LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN MONTY PYTHON ANIMATION AND WONDERMARK, COMPLETELY ON
CRACKOPIUM WHILE STILL UNFAILINGLY COURTEOUS.
I KEEP LAUGHING UPROARIOUSLY AT MY SCREEN. THIS IS A RIDICULOUS DELIGHT.
This is amazing, oh my god.
I know some people who need to see this.
I will absolutely be playing this.
(publishing because this is something i’ve been meaning to address)
thank you! and yes, I absolutely mean to finish them at some point; hopefully now that I’m on break I’ll be more productive on that front.
(for anyone curious, i definitely plan to continue doing the fairy tale meme too!)